Why Sobriety Feels So Boring At First

I was chewing gum, holding a bottle of mineral water, standing among thousands of people at the yearly MADA Music Festival. It was 11:30 pm and music was blasting from the main stage. We were only half-way through the night. My friends were jumping to the music with their beers and cigarettes; I was yawning.

It was time to go home.

After I quit drinking, parties and events became a drag. I never wanted to leave my house. I would think about all the people that were going to be there, how much I would have to talk to others, the volume of the music. Was there parking? Were there chairs where I could sit? These became more important questions than “What are we drinking tonight?". 

When I was an active drinker, I started planning my weekends on Wednesdays. By Friday, I had it all mapped out. I had barbecues to attend, afternoon gatherings at the local bar, parties at night, different circles of friends I was going to meet. I knew where I was going to be at 2 am on any given night. It was exciting.

Until it wasn't.

The interesting thing is that even though I quit drinking, I still love music and people. I still enjoy parties and bars. They're just not… important anymore. When Friday comes, I ask myself if I prefer to go to a bar with a group of friends and go to sleep at 3 am or if I prefer to stay home, read my books and watch a movie with my son.

Usually, my son wins. 

Not that parties aren't fun, but there are more important things. Because I no longer drink, I can see what they are. I can make full distinction between what is fun and what is healthy, what I will be happy with or angry with the following day, what will enrich my life or deplete it. When you are sober, you can make smart decisions. You come first.

At the MADA Music Festival of 2023, my friends convinced me to stay till 3 am in the morning. We had an after-party until 6 am. Three years later and I'm still recovering from that night. Because I now know that it's not natural to stay awake until 6 am. 

There's one other issue—when you hang out with people who drink, at some point the vibe shifts. As the alcohol makes its way through their veins, you are still sober. Suddenly they are laughing at things that aren't funny, getting angry at things that don't make sense and defending viewpoints you never knew they had. And you are just—you.

So you get up, you say good night and you go home.

Not because the party got boring. But because your idea of fun has changed.

And once you embrace that, you'll never feel left out again.