How To Survive Social Events Without Alcohol

“So, where's your drink?”

That's the most common question I get nowadays when I'm at a social event. Whether it's a pub, a bar, a concert or a party, it's usually the first thing people will ask me. After all, when everyone else is having their beer or wine, you stand out with your mineral water bottle or glass of juice.

For a long time, I didn't know what to answer. “I'm the designated driver,” I would say. Or maybe I was sick, or taking some sort of medication. Every time I went out, I had to come up with excuses for that question. 

One day, I made a decision—I will just answer “I don't drink alcohol". That's it. Most people will shrug and accept that answer and move on. If someone doesn't like it or presses you for more, remember that you don't have to say anything. You can share as much as you want about your life. 

Nowadays, if someone insists on an explanation, I will tell them that I'm an alcoholic. Most people don't know what to do with that information. Many will be thrown off, some will just walk away. Others will ask more questions and I enjoy that. I've been able to help many people just by letting them know that I had that experience. But you don't have to do that. 

Remember, your life is your own.

The expectation of others

If we only lived for ourselves, life would be easy. But we live in a society where things are expected of us. We're expected to go to our friend's dinner party, to our nephew's birthday party, to your brother's graduation and your roommate's wedding. We can't get out of it forever. There is a social pressure for us to be around other people and around alcohol. 

Aside from the expectation that you attend the event itself, there's an expectation for how you should behave. How can you not drink at your roommate's wedding party? How can you not celebrate your brother's graduation? 

Most people relate alcohol with having fun. So there's an expectation that you will join the party and drink with everyone else. And when you break people's expectations, you are setting yourself apart from the crowd.

There's no way around it—you are different. You made a commitment to yourself. You have your own expectations to live up to. People will always have expectations. You have no obligation to meet them.

My friend Juliana spent years offering me alcohol in social gatherings, even after I told many times that I was an alcoholic. It wasn't her fault. She had never heard someone speak so openly about that before. I had to take her aside one night and explain that I really was an alcoholic and that I couldn't drink. She apologized. She thought I had been kidding the whole time. She knew me as the life of the party and expected me to play that part forever. But life changed. I changed. I no longer lived up to her expectations.

Learning to have fun again

When I first quit drinking, I continued going out as if nothing had changed. The only difference was that I was no longer drinking alcohol. I thought that was the only difference but the truth is that everything changed. 

Parties were no longer as fun as they used to be. I would get bored easily. Jokes stopped being funny after 11:30 pm. The music was suddenly too loud, the chair too uncomfortable. You can only have so many bottles of water in one sitting. Without alcohol to keep me going, I learned when to call it quits. I started getting home at midnight instead of 4 am.

My idea of fun changed—yours will too. You will soon realize that there are different ways to have fun and it usually takes a little more work then it used to. You have to make an effort now because alcohol is no longer driving you.

You will soon find that you prefer restaurants to bars, coffee shops to pubs, movie theaters to parties. You want to leave the house early so you can watch something on Netflix when you get back. You will add a movie to your watchlist and that will be your biggest priority. 

Naturally, your life will change. Your personality will evolve slowly and you will have to learn what it means to have fun. You may start to enjoy the days more than the nights. You may start liking to stay home instead of going out all the time. You may enjoy your solitude more than always being around people. With time you will learn what makes you happy. 

You will enjoy being the designated driver. It means you get to tell the group when it's time to go home. You may learn to enjoy being the sober one when everyone else is a little tipsy. You will remember all the shows at the music festival you go to. You will never wake up the next morning wondering what you did the night before.

Does it mean you can't go to parties and pubs? Of course not. You can go. You can have fun. You can even stay until 3 am or until last call. But it will be different, I promise you. 

You will learn to live with it. 

And you will love it. Because you will be there for all of it.