Can you quit drinking without AA?
I was shaking with nervousness when I entered my first Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) meeting. I was scared, ashamed, alone. I had no idea what to expect. All I knew about it came from scenes in a few movies. My research had not gone beyond checking out the website looking for the meeting closest to me. I had no idea what was waiting for me.
I was greeted at the door by a cheerful man in his 70s, who instantly made me feel at home and at ease. The vibe was not gloomy, but joyful. People there were old friends. Some had been attending that same group for 20 or 30 years. “The more I come to A.A., the more I need it,” one said to me.
That first night, I spoke in front of the whole group. I told them my story, from when I started drinking at 17 to how I got to that point in my life—29 and an alcoholic. The people—mostly men—were very understanding. I could see them nodding their heads as I spoke, feeling a kinship with my experiences. At the end, several came up to me to tell me how brave I was for sharing and to ask me to come for the next meeting. Two days later, I was there again.
I went to AA twice a week for four months back in the beginning of my journey. I always spoke and shared my feelings, my thoughts, my doubts. My companions always treated me with kindness and I felt like the group meetings were useful.
After a few weeks, my comrades started asking me to choose a sponsor. They insisted on it for several meetings. But, for some reason, I couldn’t get myself to pick anyone. First, they told me I should choose a woman, but there were only two women in the group and we didn’t really talk. Second, I just didn’t know if I wanted to have one more person to discuss sobriety with—I already had a therapist that I saw every week and a doctor with whom I met once a month.
Then came the pleas for me to accept a higher power, which I did not feel comfortable doing. Even when they said it could be whatever I wanted it to be, I still felt like they were asking me to accept God. I didn’t want to do that.
I also had trouble following all the steps because many of them implied that I had willingly done wrong to people and had been a bad person when in fact I felt I was the victim of a terrible disease. Of course I was ashamed of all the things I have done, but I didn’t feel guilty. I felt sad. I wanted to make amends, but in my own way and in my own time.
After four months, I left AA.
It had been pivotal in helping me overcome my addiction, but I didn’t feel like I needed it anymore. Being among other alcoholics, hearing their stories, feeling like I was part of a group had helped me navigate those first months and find an understanding of myself. I had an addiction. I had a disease. I needed treatment. I could never drink again. AA made me realize all these things. That group was fundamental in my recovery and I don’t think I would have made it without them. But it was too much for me.
So, do you need AA in order to quit drinking? The truth is that everyone has different needs and different incentives. We all react differently to different inputs. We all have different paths to recovery.
When may AA be a good idea:
When you have no financial means to receive medical attention—AA is free. They live on donations from the members.
When you still haven’t accepted that you are an alcoholic—AA can put you in touch with others like you. You can learn from them and then decide whether you have an addiction.
When you know you have to quit drinking but you don’t know where to start—you don’t need to commit to AA, you can go once and decide if you want to continue.
When you thrive in social settings and like to depend on communities—an AA group is a community where people can make lasting friendships. Where people depend on each other and help each other through difficult times.
When you already have some relationship with God—many of the steps require you to acknowledge and accept a higher power.
When you thrive in organized settings—having the twelve steps can help you navigate your sobriety in a structured way.
AA is not the only group available nowadays. However, its method has proven to work for several types of people for decades. Other programs have since been built upon by AA, taking its main tenets as a foundation and creating their own processes. So, it can be useful to run a search and see if you can find something that resonates with you.
Here's what I believe—in the search for healing, you should try everything. I certainly did. I didn't stop until I found the thing—or combination of things—that worked for me. So whether AA works is not the real question. The real question is: will it work for you?
There's only one way to find out. I trust you.
