The Ultimate Guide to Recovery Without AA

Introduction

Disclaimer: I am a person in recovery sharing personal experiences, not a licensed medical professional. Alcohol withdrawal can be dangerous. Please consult a doctor or healthcare provider for medical advice.

Millions of people recover from alcohol addiction with AA—but it’s not the only path. Learn what AA offers, why it works for some, why it isn’t the right fit for everyone, and how to build a lasting recovery without it.

Here’s a scary but eye-opening statistic from the World Health Organization: “7% of the world’s population aged 15 years and older, live with alcohol use disorders”. Given the amount of people struggling with Alcohol Use Disorder (AUD), you would imagine that more treatments would be available and there would be easier access to them. This is not the case. It’s why so many people end up looking to Alcoholics Anonymous to get sober.

Though many countries have alcohol policies in place (56% of the countries to be exact), access to actual treatment is still scarce. The WHO says that no more than 35% of people with substance use disorders are in contact with treatment services. This leaves a whopping 65% of people dealing with AUD on their own. 

Given this scenario, I would say that any help is good help. And given that AA has been around for a while helping people recover from alcohol use, it’s still a valid course. It’s just not for everyone.

This article is about other options of treatment outside of Alcoholics Anonymous. However, if AA is the only type of treatment you have access to, I encourage you to try it.  

Do you have to go to AA to get sober?

No. 

Millions of people recover without AA. There are several types of treatment for AUD, many of which we’ll discuss later in this article. AA is simply one of them.

AA has helped millions of people around the world due to its highly organized community-based 12-step program. It was one of the first options for treatment for AUD to ever be created and is the most widely known today. It’s one path, but not the only path. 

A lot of people try AA and don’t feel comfortable with the process. It’s understandable. There isn’t one right program for treatment. The goal should be to find the program that helps you stay sober. 

My own recovery without AA

The day I decided to quit drinking, I called my local AA group and asked where the nearest meeting was. I had hit rock bottom and was determined to quit once and for all. That same night, I went to a meeting in a local group.

I was received by an older man who was greeting people at the door. He was smiling and had a very uplifting personality. He made me feel at easy. Inside, I was introduced to other colleagues and received a very warm welcome. My fears dissolved. 

On that first day, I went to the front of the room and I shared my story. I cried. Many others cried with me. I had reached the lowest bar in my life, destroyed so many aspects of it. I was drowning in my addiction and I wanted to start over. 

AA was very important to me in those early days because I was finally able to accept myself as alcoholic. I accepted that I had a serious problem and that I needed to treat it head on.

However, after four months, my colleagues really started pushing for me to accept God. I kept sharing that I was recovering, that I was changing, that I was feeling better, and they wanted me to believe that it was all God’s doing. After a while, I stopped going three times a week and went only on Fridays. They complained once again. They said I needed AA. They were afraid that if I stopped going to meetings, that I would relapse. 

AA wasn’t my only form of recovery. I also had a doctor, a therapist and was taking medication. I had stopped going out to bars and hanging out with my old drinking buddies. I was trying to be healthier. I ended my toxic relationship. I was changing my life step-by-step. AA helped, but it wasn’t driving my recovery. I was. 

So, after four months following the path, I left. I’m grateful for the people who helped me. I’m grateful for having found a place where I could share all the pain I had been through and had caused. I’m grateful for having felt accepted by that group of people, instead of judged. But the time had come to leave. So I did. 

Can you stay sober without AA?

Alcohol Use Disorder is a chronic disease that demands ongoing treatment. Probably for the rest of your life. Once you reach the point where your mental health is doing well and your sobriety is under control, it becomes easier and less proactive. However, in the beginning stages of recovery, it’s important to have ongoing care.

AA ends up being a good option for people because it’s widely available—present in over 180 countries around the world with over two million members. Besides also being free, AA has a tried and tested method for helping people become sober and stay sober. It offers community, accountability and routine. However, it’s not the only way to stay sober. 

For people who suffer from AUD, alcohol usually takes up a large part of their life. Becoming sober means changing your entire life. It’s not just about putting down the bottle; it’s about changing who you hang out with, what you do for fun, how you handle emotions, where you go on the weekends. Sobriety involves making big changes in one’s life. 

Is it possible to stay sober without AA? Absolutely. How? Read on.

Treatment and recovery

AA provides a great blueprint for pulling people out from the depths of alcohol abuse. Many of its strategies and tactics, however, are based on known psychological procedures. They’re just packaged in a different way. Why not go directly to the source, then?

If possible, I urge you to not try recovery on your own. As you would with any other disease, you should look for professional help so you can find the best treatment for you. Remember, Alcohol Use Disorder is a disease, a mental health condition that has causes, symptoms and treatment. You will probably need a holistic approach so you can treat not only your alcohol use, but also any comorbid issues that you may have. 

I’m supportive of any type of attempt at recovery, including AA. So long as you are seeking help and improving your life, I’m with you. Your first step should be to seek treatment.

Accountability and support

Accountability can be very important in the beginning of recovery because the urges and cravings will come. Situations will arise in which you will have to make smart choices. Trusting yourself alone to make the right decisions isn’t always the best course of action. 

Having a support system that can keep you accountable is indispensable. Whether it’s a partner, a friend, a colleague, a family member, a doctor or a therapist—or any combination of those—you need people who can keep you on your toes as you navigate the ins and outs of sobriety. Sobriety coaches and therapists who specialize in sobriety are also great options, if you are able to afford them. 

AA is not the only place you can find accountability. You can create your own network of support; you just need to be deliberate about it. 

Honest self-reflection

Therapy has helped me understand why I needed alcohol to help me move through life back when I used to drink. It taught me to reflect on my emotions, my feelings, my purpose, and my fears, and to develop new ways of dealing with old problems. I still have anxiety, I’m still a single mother in charge of an entire household, I still have bills to pay, I still have heartache, sadness and anger. I just developed new tools to deal with it all. 

If you don’t have the habit of reflecting about your own life, it’s never too late to start. Therapists can help a lot here, but even a good, trustworthy friend or partner can help you dig up your past and learn from your mistakes.

AA offers an organized process for self-reflection, but it’s not the only option. As long as you’re willing to open yourself up and deal with your deepest issues, you can do it outside of AA.

Community

Alcoholism is a lonely disease. There’s the stigma, the taboo, the stereotypes. The world is not welcoming to the person suffering from AUD. Family and friends don’t understand and don’t know how to deal with you. Companies are not equipped to deal with employees with mental health issues. Even your current doctors or therapist may not be fully prepared to help you.

I have no complaints about AA’s community-based system. It indeed offers understanding and a place where you feel comfortable. My first AA meeting was the first time I didn’t feel embarrassed about my disease. I finally understood that I was dealing with a condition that had treatment and was nothing to feel ashamed about. 

However, AA is not the only support group out there. There are several types of support groups, for different types of people in different types of situations. You may find women-focused groups, LGBTQAPI+-focused groups, work-related groups. Groups based on religion, others led by therapists or psychiatrists. Some are free, some are paid. You can still find community support. You just have to look a little deeper.

New routines

AA does a great job of filling your schedule when you otherwise could be out drinking and partying. I had colleagues who went to meetings at least three times a week. Meetings lasted 2-3 hours, so it’s a handful. AA pretty much takes the place of drinking in your life. But I see this as trading one addiction for another. What good is it to enter recovery, become sober, only to have to think about your alcoholism three times a week, every week, forever?

I couldn’t deal with that, so I went about changing myself. I’m not going to lie… it sucks. It’s hard, it takes a lot of effort, a lot of try-and-fail, a lot of patience. I tried taking language lessons, playing soccer, doing pilates, joining book clubs, going to networking events, the works. 

Over time, I was able to change my routine and make healthier choices. But it was all intentional. Your life won’t change automatically and a new hobby won’t just fall on your lap. You have to do the work. In some ways, I believe that people who use AA as their safety net perhaps weren’t able to create a new life for themselves. Thus it’s easier to accept what’s already there. 

If you want to be happy and satisfied with your life in the future, you must make the effort. 

Purpose

In my experience, when you join the AA program, you are led to believing in a higher power that serves as your purpose. Everything that you do is toward improving your character flaws, and it can only be achieved through the AA program. AA seems to becomes the purpose of life itself.

However, that means AA then becomes the center of your life. You get clean from your addiction only to find yourself tied to a group that will remind you of your condition every week for the rest of your life. That shouldn’t be the end-game, but with AA it is. At least, in my opinion.

Your goal should be to seek treatment, quit drinking, start recovery, treat any mental health issues, get healthy and improve your life. Purpose comes from living a life that makes you feel fulfilled, not by reminding yourself every week of your worst days ten years ago. Your drinking should not be the center of your life forever. You want to get rid of it so then you can live the life that you want and find your purpose. 

You may find many things in AA, but purpose is not it.

Building your own recovery plan

It’s common to see a person with AUD who has reached rock bottom walk into an AA meeting and treat it as a “hail mary”. It’s absolutely fine. It happened to me and I was able to derive some meaning from it. But don’t wait until you’ve lost everything in order to do something about your condition. Start now so that you can look back at this moment as the moment when your life began once again. 

And how do you start the process of recovery from addiction? Create a plan. First, you can ask yourself a few questions:

• Who keeps me accountable?
• What do I do when cravings hit?
• Who can I call?
• How do I socialize?
• How do I deal with stress?
• What fills the space alcohol occupies?
• How do I celebrate?
• How will I recognize relapse early?

Think about what led you to developing AUD, what kept you drinking and what made it worse. Once it has become clear in your mind that you need to quit drinking, take the first step: find a doctor. If you can, get a good recommendation for a doctor who specializes in addiction. I’ll say it again—if you can’t get the best, whatever you are able to find will work. As long as you do it, you’re on the right track. 

If you are able to, find a good therapist. Start therapy as soon as possible. Therapy may seem silly at first and we may think it’s not working for a long time, but that’s how it is. You start now so you can build resilience for the future. Again, a great therapist with experience with AUD would be perfect, but in the absence of that, any will do. Do not give up if you don’t initially like your therapist. If you absolutely do not click with them, find another one. It takes time. 

Inform yourself about what you have. Read about AUD, recovery and treatments. If you like books, look for biographies or books about the topic. Learn about your condition. The more you know, the more you are able to see the patterns that eventually lead to cravings and relapses. Podcasts, books, blogs, whatever you have access to, use it. Almost all of it is free. Knowledge is power. 

If you are open to community support, explore the support groups I share below or search for others that may be more up your alley. There are thousands of groups out there. I’m sure you could find a support group for avant-garde nerdy vampires with ADHD if you just search for it. Support groups give you community and a place where you feel you can belong.

Tell someone you trust. Whether it’s a partner, a parent, a sibling, a friend… Do not keep this all bottled up inside. Addiction is solitary, but recovery doesn’t have to be. “I need help” can be the start of rebuilding relationships you may have damaged along the way. 

Alternatives to AA

Alcohol Use Disorder calls for a holistic approach to treatment as it usually branches out into several areas of a person’s life: mental health, emotional state, relationships, work, and physical health. Therefore, as already mentioned, you should start by seeking the help of a specialized doctor. A good doctor will evaluate you and your current situation and suggest an appropriate course of action. 

Some people respond well to medication; others to therapy or support groups. Others prefer to simply quit cold turkey and see where that goes. Some may have severe addiction and may need in-patient treatment in order to control withdrawal and abstinence symptoms. 

Whatever your situation is, there are options. I already mentioned that I tried all of them until I found what worked best for me. I even asked to be hospitalized once, but my doctor thought I was exaggerating. Luckily it didn’t come to that. But if it had been necessary, I was open to it. I just wanted to get better. 

Medication

Treatment for AUD with medication will depend on the specific situation of each patient. Doctors have many options for different scenarios. When treating my AUD, I experimented with a few types of medications. Some worked, some didn’t. As I have mentioned before, sometimes you have to experiment before finding what works best for you. 

Dissulfiram

Dissulfiram is a medication that intends to keep the person with AUD from getting to the first drink. If you drink while taking Dissulfiram, the medication will react with the alcohol and cause you unpleasant physical symptoms, such as headaches, nausea, vomiting and palpitations. Please be aware that this can be dangerous.

This medication does not reduce cravings. It is usually recommended to only be used under supervision. If you feel incapable of not drinking, speak to your doctor before you start taking dissulfiram. 

Naltrexone

This medication works by blocking the pleasurable effects of alcohol, much as the patch does for smokers who are quitting. Technically, if you do drink, you will not feel the dopamine hit that usually comes with alcohol. It is usually recommended for people who are already abstinent as it helps in maintaining sobriety. For those still drinking, especially if heavily, doctors might want to treat the withdrawal and abstinence under supervision first. 

Other medications

The correct medication will depend on each individual. Doctors may prescribe medications for depression, anxiety, ADHD, or whatever other neurological condition you may have. Treating these underlying conditions are imperative in order to help treat the AUD. There are also off-label medications that have been known to help with withdrawal symptoms and abstinence. Consult with your doctor about what is the best course of action for you. 

Support groups

Support groups are a great way to help you accept your condition as a person with AUD. When we drink compulsively, we tend to make bad decisions and can end up hurting ourselves and those around us. Support groups create a safe encouraging environment where you can share your experiences and hear the experiences of others. This is very helpful in supporting your recovery. 

• SMART Recovery
• Recovery Dharma
• LifeRing
• Mother Against Addiction
• Women for Sobriety
• Secular Organizations for Sobriety (SOS)

These are only a few of the many available options. If you believe that a community setting will be relevant to your recovery, I encourage you to find a support group that aligns with your beliefs and needs.

Therapy

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is the most recommended type of counseling for people with AUD. CBT may help people understand what leads them to drinking and how to create tools to cope with cravings and urges. There is a lot of scientific evidence that points to CBT being a great option for dealing with alcoholism. However, it’s not the only one. 

I have been doing psychoanalysis for over ten years and it not only has helped me get clean, but maintain my sobriety over the years. It also helped me deal with minor relapses that happened along the way. 

My therapist likes to say that the approach doesn’t really matter; what’s important is finding a therapist you can trust. Sometimes people will try a therapist, hate it and give up on therapy completely. It’s annoying, but sometimes you have to keep trying until you find the right person. 

Therapy is not a short-term solution. I encourage you to start as early as possible, but understand that you may only see results in the long-term. 

Sponsorship

Following the AA approach of sponsorship, having someone you can talk with about your sobriety can be helpful. Therapists are great to help you understand what led you to drinking and how to develop tools to deal with it. But it’s likely they didn’t experience addiction personally. Sponsors or sobriety coaches are usually people who have dealt with AUD themselves and they can be a good source of support and understanding in a world where there is so much taboo around addiction. 

Coaching can be done on a weekly cadence or may be under demand, depending on how your recovery is going. Having someone you can talk to at any time can be useful, especially in the first few months when you are still dealing with strong cravings. 

Online communities

Facebook has dozens of sobriety groups where people share their stories and their achievements. There are groups for all kinds of needs: women, religious, AA-focused, parents, LGBTQIAP+, among others. 

Be careful with Facebook groups though. I’ve had people reach out to me to flirt or sell things and that’s not what you are looking for when you’re in recovery. If you find that you need constant, daily support, these groups might be helpful. But protect yourself.  

What AA actually is

The Twelve Steps

AA believes that alcoholism is a problem of the mind, the emotions and the body, and that these can be conquered by following their set of spiritual principles, “The Twelve Steps“. Here’s a quick summary of what the Twelve Steps are about:

1. Admit your powerlessness over alcohol
2. Believe in a greater Power that will help on the recovery
3. Decide to surrender your life to the will of God
4. Make a moral inventory of yourself
5. Admit the exact nature of your wrongs
6. Be ready to have God remove your defects of character
7. Ask God to remove your shortcomings
8. Make a list of people you’ve harmed
9. Make amends with people, when possible
10. Admit when you are wrong
11. Improve your contact with God through prayer and meditation
12. Carry the message to other alcoholics

Technically, if you participate in the meetings and go through the twelve steps, you should be able to recover. However, AA is not a treatment that is done once you recover. In order for it to be effective, you must remain with AA for as long as possible. There were people in my AA group that had been going to meetings for 20 or 30 years. One of them used to say, “The more I go to AA, the more I need it”. 

If you take a closer look, these tenets from the AA program can all be explained by psychology. Therapy with a good professional will take the person with AUD on a similar journey. For this reason, many prefer to go on the medical path versus the AA path. 

Sponsorship

Sponsorship is a big part of the AA program. Essentially, it’s a process in which a person who is more advanced in their recovery shares their experience with another alcoholic who is attempting to become sober or to maintain their sobriety. 

The sponsor is supposed to be a helpline—someone who you can call if you feel you might relapse or if something happens in your life that you have difficulty dealing with. Usually, it’s a person you meet at a meeting with whom you feel comfortable and have a certain affinity. 

Sponsorships can develop into long-term relationships and it’s usually required of the participant after they have attended meetings for a few weeks. This process ensures that the person has someone to count on when things aren’t going well. It can be especially helpful when people don’t have access to therapy or to a licensed physician.

Meetings

There are several different types of meetings, from the general ones that are open to all the public, to women-only meetings or closed meetings for specific audiences. In the meetings, members are asked to discuss their relationship with alcohol and share their stories. Discussions are always about alcohol and shouldn’t drift to other topics. 

Meetings are usually in person, though after COVID-19 online meetings became more accessible. They can span different topics: open discussions about experiences, having a speaker share about a specific topic, beginner-focused groups to welcome new members, as well as study of the Steps, the Tradition and the Big Book. 

The meetings usually start with a recitation of the Serenity Prayer, then goes through the process chosen for the day. After the meeting, members are encouraged to contribute financially to help the group (which are all self-funded). There is a more social moment when the meeting is done, when people gather and talk. 

Spiritual component

Though AA affirms that it is not affiliated with any religion and does not require members to believe in God, a great part of their program has a spiritual component. Members are asked to pray, to believe in God, to surrender their fears to God. 

They say that you can choose whatever Higher Power you believe in, but you must believe in a Higher Power. When I went to meetings, I told my colleagues that I didn’t believe in God. They told me that I wouldn’t find complete recovery unless I accepted some sort of a higher power. 

Anonymity

Anonymity is a big part of AA. It is the protection to ensure the continued existence and growth of the organization. It stresses the equality of all members, uniting them in a common bond—their recovery. They also believe it’s the spiritual foundation of AA.

There are two types of anonymity: personal and public. Personal anonymity provides protection for members from being identified as alcoholics. Members are not required to share their status as members of AA with outsiders unless they want to.

The other type of anonymity is the public one—where members are not allowed to disclose their affiliation with AA to popular media. This way, they can’t use their affiliation for personal gain. Members are also asked to maintain anonymity on social media and must be careful to not break the anonymity of others accidentally.  

Why AA helps so many people

There is a lot about AA that is helpful and commendable. AA was created at a time when alcoholism was not widely discussed. It wasn’t even considered a mental condition. It was considered a “fault of character”. Or—as mentioned earlier—an affection of the mind, body and soul. 

Thus, alcoholism wasn’t treated by medical professionals because, well, treatment for alcoholism didn’t exist yet. People found in AA a way to deal with the pain of alcoholism. 

Community

The sense of community is very important in the recovery process of AA members. The main message of AA is “you are not alone”. By admitting that you are an alcoholic in front of others, you are essentially accepting that you are a part of this special group. Everyone shares grievances over what alcohol did to their lives. The shared experiences are the soul of the AA treatment. 

Accountability

AA not only provides but also demands accountability. The purpose of going to meetings every week—and sometimes several times a week—is to ensure that people are accountable for their recovery. Within AA, people don’t only help themselves. Through discussions and sponsorship, they are able to find a community that pushes them to be better. 

Routine

Going into recovery means not only that you stop drinking, but you also have to change your entire lifestyle. Usually that means that people end up with a lot of time on their hands, which can easily lead to relapse. AA encourages people to go to meetings at least once a week, if not several times a week. This sense of community and routine may help a lot of people who are afraid to be left alone for long periods of time to deal with their addiction. 

Identity change

AA considers alcoholism a fault of character and they believe that in order to recover, you must change who you are. What usually happens is that the person with alcoholism in AA will accept their title of  “alcoholic” and live with that for the rest of their lives. Thus why every speech in AA starts with “I’m X and I’m an alcoholic”. 

Shared experiences

AA is a place where people with similar life experiences and difficulties get together to discuss their errors and shortcomings. This helps others feel like they are not alone, that they are not broken. By listening to others’ struggles and how they overcame them, newcomers can learn new tools and processes for how to deal with their disease. 

Mentorship

Sponsorship is a big part of AA and every member is encouraged to find a sponsor as soon as possible. By having “someone in your corner”, they believe that relapses can be prevented or better dealt with. People may spend years with their sponsors, developing a deep relationship. Sponsors may be available to speak on the phone or even in person. They may chat regularly during the week but also be there for the member if they need immediate help.

Purpose

More than anything, AA strives to give its members purpose. In my view, AA becomes the new addiction, supplanting alcohol as the main driver in their lives. Many AA members give back to the community by helping the program financially, by volunteering to work and by helping other people suffering from alcoholism. 

Why AA isn’t for everyone

The spirituality component

I believe in spirituality as a means of internal growth, but I see it as an expansive view of my interaction with the world and other human beings. AA takes a strict view on spirituality as being focused on a God. Even though they use the term “higher power”, it’s easy to see that they mean one God. 

I once mentioned in an AA meeting that I didn’t believe in God. Two people searched me out later that night to explain to me that without accepting God, I would never get through the 12 steps. That was the beginning of the end for me. I did not want to put my recovery in the hands of “God”, or as they say in AA, “surrender my life to the will of God and ask Him to remove my shortcomings”. 

I always believed that even if you did believe in God that that approach could be harmful. Basically, AA puts the responsibility of your recovery in the hands of God. In my opinion, this removes from the person the opportunity and ability to learn what made them addicts and treat the underlying causes. By ridding yourself of the responsibility to self-analyze and learn what led you to drinking, you simply accept that you had a faulty character and that God will cure you. 

This does not resonate with a lot of people. Not only those who don’t believe in a higher power, but also those who believe in God and in science. Many people take the correct view (in my opinion) that AUD is a medical condition and needs to be treated by medical professionals along with other supporting treatments. 

Group settings

Group settings may make many people feel comfortable. For others, it can be a great discomfort. I had a partner once who had AUD and he didn’t want to go to meetings because he didn’t want other people to know what he was going through. 

Even though AUD is a medical condition, there is still a great taboo around it. Many people see it as moral shortcomings on the part of the alcoholic, making the person feel humiliated or embarrassed by their condition. Thus, many people need the discreteness of a doctor’s office or of a therapy session in order to really open it. 

Science-based approaches

Though the AA method resembles a few psychological tactics, it is not a science-based approach. Studies have been conducted showing that it is effective around 40% of the time, sometimes even beating Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT). However, it does not work for everyone. Especially those who suffer from comorbid conditions along with AUD, such as depression, anxiety, PTSD and ADHD.

In my recovery, I went through all the motions. I used medication to help with the urges, I had a psychiatrist who was treating my depression and my AUD, I had a therapist. I tried AA for four months and then left. They pressured me to do and accept a lot of things that I didn’t agree with. 

Medication helped my neurons to start working correctly and therapy helped me to treat the underlying traumas. These were much more effective for me because I understood that I was treating a disease, not a moral shortcoming. 

The “alcoholic” label

I use the term “alcoholic” a lot in my blog because it facilitates writing. “Alcoholic” reads smoother than “person with Alcohol Use Disorder”. Especially when you need to use it over and over again in an article. However, “alcoholic” is not the correct term. The same way that we don’t call a person “autistic” or “depressed”. They “have autism” or “are on the spectrum” and “they have depression”. 

These are mental disorders recognized as such by the DSM-V, not personality traits. Calling oneself an “alcoholic” symbolizes that person believes that they really are and always will be an alcoholic. For AA, this is necessary because you need to go to AA for the rest of your life because you will always be an alcoholic. However, alcoholism is a disease that can be treated and controlled. You don’t need to consider yourself an alcoholic for life. 

I call myself an alcoholic because I try to help people who suffer from AUD and I believe that opening up about it breaks the stigma. However, I don’t view myself as the alcoholic that AA would imagine I was. I am recovered and healthy and no longer need treatment. I just need to maintain my sobriety. 

“Cult” status

According to Wikipedia, cults are “social groups which have unusual, and often extreme, religious, spiritual, or philosophical beliefs and rituals”. I’m not affirming that AA is a cult, but a lot of people make the comparison. 

Once you join AA, you become part of a group with very specific rituals and beliefs that are so engrained in you over time that they can become the center of your life. Hardcore AA members are very protective of their program and can be very aggressive with anybody who deviates from their rules. 

I create content about sobriety and recovery on Youtube, TikTok and Instagram and most of the harsh comments I get are from AA members. They will accuse me of not really being in recovery, of being arrogant, and say that my sobriety isn’t real. Because my recovery is different from theirs, they don’t support me as they support their fellow colleagues. 

This strict, rigid view of recovery and the high expectations of members make AA sometimes feel like a cult.

Individualized support

In AA, recovery occurs through the community practices of the 12 steps and traditions. Members are encouraged to go to as many meetings as possible, to share, to stay after meetings and talk to other members, and to have a sponsor as well as sponsoring other members. This community-wide support is the basis of the journey. 

However, AA only addresses the alcohol abuse, which rarely comes alone. Most people who abuse alcohol have underlying mental disorders that should be treated along with the AUD. These conditions need to be treated by a licensed physician, who can prescribe medication, indicate the best course of action, and types of therapy. They may even recommend support groups as part of the treatment, but if you don’t treat the underlying issues, the alcohol will eventually sneak up on you. 

Each person needs specific attention and care because each case is different. No two people will have the same treatment, so having individualized care is essential. In the ten years that I’ve been treating my depression, anxiety and alcoholism, I have used over thirty different types of medication, been through numerous doctors and therapists, and support groups, until I found the ones that were right for me. 

AA may be helpful to the recovery process, but I would advise against using it as the sole support system. However—and I’ll repeat it once again—if all you have access to is AA, GO!

Other strategies

I’ve read books about recovery and biographies of addicts. I’ve read blogs and listened to podcasts about mental health and addiction. Each has helped me in its own way. You may find that educating yourself about your condition may help you feel at peace with what you’re going through. 

We fear that which we don’t understand. Knowledge is everything. 

Also, if you have a partner or family members who are struggling along with you, having them learn more about AUD can help them cope with your recovery. It can also help them understand why you behave the way you behave. 

Can you recover completely on your own?

I’ll be straightforward with you… I don’t think you should try to get sober on your own. Alcohol Use Disorder is a complex condition that affects not only your physical and mental health, but every other area of your life. Even if you only have mild AUD, you might still experience withdrawal or anxiety when you quit drinking. It’s important to have a support system. 

AUD comes with not a small amount of shame and it’s this very shame that keeps us from seeking help and from opening up to others. This shame could keep you from being able to accept help. Don’t let it. Remember, you are not this condition. You only have it. And it can be managed. 

One reason a lot of people try to quit drinking on their own is the fear of failure, of disappointing others. If you don’t tell anyone then there’s no accountability. Having tried to quit smoking several times only to go back, I heard my fair share of, “I thought you quit smoking; I see it didn’t last”. People say these things not out of meanness, but out of ignorance. 

Addiction is a tricky disease. It comes and goes and varies in intensity. It can be triggered by the smallest of events or it can go by unnoticed when the world is falling apart. As I said before, “it creeps up on you”. One day, you’re a healthy adult enjoying a beer; the next, you don’t remember the last time you didn’t wake up with a hangover. Having people to support you can help to see what’s innocent and what’s dangerous. A therapist, a doctor, a partner, a support group… they will all make you clearly see and understand the waters you are treading. It’s a long swim. You shouldn’t have to do it alone. 

Unless you are a master at self-reflection and self-analyzing, if you don’t receive professional help, you might never understand what led you to developing AUD. Was it just a malfunctioning gene that was activated? Was it some childhood trauma that started to emerge? Was it the end of your wedding or the loss of a loved one? Was it your ADHD, which went undetected and untreated all your life? Without professionals, it’s hard to find the answers. 

I know it’s hard to put your life in the hands of others or to share with the world what could be perceived as a weakness by many. But it’s necessary. I know that you want to have a good life. Accept help so you can get there. 

There isn’t one right way to recover

We discussed what AA is and what it isn’t. Where it helps and where it falters. We discussed other types of treatments and options for recovery. I hope this helps you realize that you don’t have to do this alone. I hope it inspires you to take the first step toward sobriety. 

Whether you go to AA or you don’t, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that you make the decision to quit and take the first step. Whichever it may be.